


Oscar Wilde created the group chat

by goatsongs



Category: Rusty Quill Gaming (Podcast)
Genre: Drabble, Friendship, Gen, Hamid gets bullied for being straight, Innuendo, but is he?, groupchat, text fic, the rangers - Freeform, this is the stupidest thing i will ever write
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-26
Updated: 2020-08-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:40:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,443
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26130535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goatsongs/pseuds/goatsongs
Summary: What it says on the tin + Shenanigans.
Comments: 20
Kudos: 46





	1. Chapter 1

_Oscar Wilde created the group chat_

_Oscar Wilde added Zolf Smith_

**Zolf Smith** : what’s this  
  


_Oscar Wilde added Sasha Rackett_ _  
_ _  
_ _Oscar Wilde added Hamid Saleh Haroun al Tahan_ _  
_ _  
_ _Oscar Wilde added Sir Bertrand Mcguffingham_

**Sir Bertrand Mcguffingham** : Hello peasants  
  
**Sasha Rackett** : i alrady hate this

_Oscar Wilde set group chat name to “The Rangers”_

  
  
**Oscar Wilde** : Welcome to my group chat. Thank you for joining. This will be our main channel of communication for miscellaneous chat or information about your jobs. Upon Mr Smith’s request all business will be going through him as he is your employer and not here. But I will appreciate any questions from you here if needed. I look forward to working with all of you :) 

**Zolf Smith** : i dont :)  
  
**Hamid Saleh Haroun al Tahan** : wow, don’t you trust us Zolf?  
  
**Zolf Smith** : no

  
  
_Sasha Rackett changed Zolf Smith’s display name to ‘grumpy sea dad’_

_  
_  
**grumpy sea dad** : i only trusted sasha but i don’t anymore  
  
**Sasha Rackett** : aweee cmon zolf

  
  
_Sasha Rackett changed Sasha Rackett’s display name to ‘sasha’_ _  
_

  
**Sir Bertrand Mcguffingham** : How does one change the name here? How does this thing work?  
  
**sasha** : i can do it 4 u 

_sasha changed Sir Bertrand Mcguffingham’s display name to ‘worst person alive’_ _  
_

  
**worst person alive** : WELL NOW! CHANGE IT IMMEDIATELY  
  
**sasha** : change it urself or change as a person xxx

_Hamid Saleh Haroun al Tahan changed Hamid Saleh Haroun al Tahan’s display name to Hamid_

**sasha** : boring 

**Hamid** : you did exactly the same 

**sasha** : but in low caps :))))

 **grumpy sea dad** : tomorrow we’re going to dover go the fuck to sleep 

**worst person alive** : Where are you @Oscar Wilde?

 **Oscar Wilde** : … I gave you my business card?  
  
**worst person alive** : Oh okay I’m coming

 **Oscar Wilde** : Well, not quite yet. 

**sasha** : fucking gross

 **worst person alive** : Bye snowflakes who can’t handle fun ever. I hate all of you and only Hamid saves himself because he doesn’t stink of communism like the rest of you.  
  
**sasha** : i wish i was dead right now 

**grumpy sea dad** : same 

**sasha** : worst thing is that it would actualy b funny if he wasnt serious lol

 **Oscar Wilde** : Goodnight team ;)

 **grumpy sea dad** : choke 

**Oscar Wilde** : I do hope so, Mr Smith

 **grumpy sea dad** : can you make me admin so i can kick you out of the gc 

**Oscar Wilde** : No :) 

_grumpy sea dad left the group chat_

  
  
**Hamid** : Sorry, I was taking off my makeup, what did I miss?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Season one speedrun

**Oscar Wilde** : Can someone tell me what has happened to Mr Smith? I’m getting complete radio silence from him.

**sasha** : got arrested by hot navy dude

**Oscar Wilde** : What???

**Hamid** : We helped quell a fight and got approached by a commander who recognised Zolf. He was arrested because apparently he went AWOL years ago   
**  
** **Oscar Wilde** : Ah. I see. Thank you for the update. Do you have the means to get him out of the situation as soon as possible? 

**sasha** : need more knives so i can kill hot navy dude

**Hamid** : That wouldn’t help our cause. Yes Wilde, we’re absolutely fine without your help, thank you very much.

**Oscar Wilde** : … You’re welcome? 

**worst person alive** : I singlehandedly saved every single poor person in Dover I think I deserve some payment for that.    
  
**worst person alive** : ?    
  
**worst person alive** : Why does everyone here ignore me 

**sasha** : look in the mirror dude

**worst person alive** : I do that regularly. I am perfect. 

**sasha** : i miss zolf

_ Oscar Wilde added grumpy sea dad _

**Oscar Wilde** : Update me on the situation please.   


* * *

**sasha** : i understood like nothing but u sounded badass hamid   
  
**Hamid** : Thanks! I felt badass

**sasha** : n that dress looked v cool too

**Hamid** : Thank you! I wanted to look classy but professional 

**grumpy sea dad** : thank you hamid 

**Hamid:** That’s what friends are for Zolf. I’m glad you’re out

**Oscar Wilde** : Excellent

**grumpy sea dad** : excellent handling there wilde you were a great help

**Oscar Wilde** : I missed you too Mr Smith ;)   
**  
** **grumpy sea dad** : ill fucking drown you 

**Hamid** : Speaking of! We should head to the temple 

* * *

**sasha** : lmao why r fish ppl so stuck up lol

**worst person alive** : Not to mention! Sissies! Can’t even take a joke. Why can nobody take a joke nowadays? 

**sasha** : stop agreeing w me this is not for u 

* * *

**worst person alive** : Hello loser idiots I’m sitting comfortably on a train

**worst person alive** : Hello? How is the freezing sea peasants. HA

**worst person alive** : I just met a gentleman and he did a portrait of me

**worst person alive** : w83er0eidk023 9eqsrfucj0+ahwelknoiàELA çSXCàLKFEWS 

**worst person alive** : That is Brutor He stole my phone 

**worst person al** **ive** : HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

**worst person alive** : Absolute INCOMPETENCE. 

**worst person alive** : I’m in Calais. Had to walk, RIDICULOUS. Why does nobody speak English in this country? 

**sasha** : its france 

**worst person alive** : You owe me 200 gold @grumpy sea dad

* * *

**grumpy sea dad** : WILDE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO. I WILL DROWN YOUR HEAD IN A BUCKET. 

* * *

  
  
_ 0000111000101000001001 joined the group chat _

**0000111000101000001001** : %%%%%%%%%%%%%

**sasha** : is it a virus or smthn???

**0000111000101000001001** : %%%$$$%$%$%$&%&%

**0000111000101000001001** :  Click The Link!   


  
_ sasha left the group chat  _

_ 0000111000101000001001 added Sasha  _

**grumpy sea dad** : don’t click the link 

**Sasha** : i alraedy did

**grumpy sea dad** : fuck. let’s hope it’s nothing bad 

**0000111000101000001001** : AhAhAh h0p3 AhAhAh f00l1sh

_ 0000111000101000001001 deleted the group chat _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wrote this fic for one specific scene only so i don't know why i decided to go chronologically but that's that let me live i might eventually just do a time jump to when i can add everyone into one big groupchat with no explanation whatsoever


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prague things.

_Hamid created the groupchat_

_Hamid added Sasha Rackett_

_Hamid added Sir Bertrand Mcguffingham_

_Hamid added Oscar Wilde_

_Hamid added Grizzop drik acht Amsterdam_

_Hamid named the group chat ‘LOLOMG’_

**Grizzop drik acht Amsterdam** : WHATS THIS?

 **Hamid** : Our group chat! We can communicate through this!   
**  
****Grizzop drik acht Amsterdam** : RIGHT 

_Sasha Rackett changed Sasha Rackett’s display name to sasha but dead_

**sasha but dead** : :)))

 **Grizzop drik acht Amsterdam** : YOURE NOT DEAD YET???

 **sasha but dead** : pretty much lol

  
  
_Grizzop drik acht Amsterdam changed sasha but dead’s display name to sasha is alive and great_

**sasha is alive and great** : :) thanks grizz ur so nice 

_sasha is alive and great changed Grizzop Drick Ackt Amsterdam’s display name to always screaming but very nice and good_

**always screaming but very nice and good** : :) 

* * *

**sasha is alive and great** : hmaid 

**sasha is alive and great** : hamid 

**sasha is alive and great** : hamid 

**Hamid** : What??

 **sasha is alive and great** : we saw ur boyfriend again lol 

**Hamid** : Who? What are you talking about??

 **sasha is alive and great** : like that little dude with the hair 

**Hamid** :... Gideon. NOT my boyfriend. Never been my boyfriend. 

**Sir Bertrand Mcguffingham** : Is that true……..

 **Hamid** : And besides, I’m straight 

**sasha is alive and great** : what 

**always screaming but very nice and good** : ARTEMIS 

**sasha is alive and great** : are u serious bruv

 **always screaming but very nice and good** : THATS SURPRISING 

**Sir Bertrand Mcguffingham** : I have to say Hamid I befriended you so we could share my greater interests

 **Sir Bertrand Mcguffingham** : Men and money 

**sasha is alive and great** : every day i wish i didn't kno u 

**Hamid** : I can't believe you are all so judgemental. We all have preconceptions but I expected better of you. Men can wear makeup and dress well and be EMOTIONAL and still be straight. you are all bigots 

**sasha is alive and great** : bro it's not the makeup trust me lmao 

**always screaming but very nice and good** : ITS THE VIBE 

**always screaming but very nice and good** : AND THATS A COMPLIMENT 

**sasha is alive and great** : yes we re just saying u have a good vibe

 **sasha is alive and great** : wven if u are filthy rich 

**sasha is alive and great** : like take bertie. he's gay and hes got the most disgusting and offendsive vibe I have evef met. and ive met some bad fuckin vibes lol 

**always screaming but very nice and good** : A BIT LIKE WILDE 

**sasha is alive and great** : unpopular opinion wilde is ok i like him hes funny af

 **Oscar Wilde** : Thank you Sasha, that is very much appreciated :) 

**Hamid** : Did Gideon say anything about me 

* * *

**sasha is alive and great** : @Oscar Wilde can u add einstein to the chat pls

_Oscar Wilde added Prof Albert Einstein_

**Prof Albert Einstein** : O-O helloooo???

 **Prof Albert Einstein** : ohhh

 **sasha is alive and great** : hey man welcome to chaos

 **Prof Albert Einstein** : i always live in chaos!

 **sasha is alive and great** : lol hope ur doing okay man where r u rn

 **Prof Albert Einstein** : beach today!! i have a sunburn now 

**sasha is alive and great** : F 

**Hamid** : You should invest in some moisturiser. It really does wonders!

 **Prof Albert Einstein** : O.K. brb something just exploded i think *-*

 **sasha is alive and great** : i fucking love u man stay aafe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mh. this doesnt have a plot stop looking for a plot. i do miss einstein tho.

**Author's Note:**

> i have plans for this. stay tuned for more stupid shit. follow me on twitter @jimmymagma :)


End file.
